Here's what that portion of the book says:
"Perhaps you have a negative perspective of your husband. Maybe he's said or done things that have harmed you on a consistent basis, and although you have forgiven him, you still love with the residual effects of a damaged heart. What can you do to overcome this perspective? Accept and embrace the fact that he is actually different from you. Men handle things completely different than women.
There are literally hundreds of books on the market that explain the differences. We expect our mates to respond to circumstances the way we would. When they don't, we develop a negative outlook on them. We think, If he really loves me, he'll do this, and when he doesn't we feed our negativity with the fuel of failed expectations. Keep in mind that different is defined as "being distinct". But we construe different to mean wrong.
We forget that God made our husbands much different from us. In fact, intimacy is actually defined as two separate people coming together as one; it is not two people becoming the same. And yet frequently we want to mold and shape our spouse to look like us. This approach will bring failure. Our mate naturally resists conforming to our likeness because it's not who he is. God had something much different in mind for him.
Here are some common misperceptions that women might have if men....
1. Men don't share feelings or emotions.
2. Men seem to go into a trance when they are watching sports or when certain subjects are brought up like they can't handle more than one subject at a time. (Actually, I find this to be v.true. haha!)
3. Men seem to think that they can do better even when they can't.
4. Men need more sensitivity, concern, compassion and empathy.
5. Men are so involved in their work and career, they want a family but they don't really want to get involved. (Hmmmm......)
6. Do they think about anything but sex? (WHAHAHAA)
Well, men have their own set of common complaints about women....
1. Women are too emotional.
2. They need to be more logical.
3. Women are too sensitive, always getting their feelings hurt.
4. Women are so changeable, we wish they would make up their minds.
5. Maybe women think we can read minds, but actually we can't
6. And so what's wrong with a sex drive anyway?
7. Women think they have a spiritual gift of changing men.
8.Women are so involved with other people and their problems.
9. Actually, women are moody and negative.
10. You can't just satisfy them.
(Why is it that the list for women is much longer than the men's?? :P I do admit that all [highlight cursor after "that"] most of the complaints are true)
When a couple learns that such frustrations are normal responses to gender differences, they can then begin to accept each other rather than attempt to change each other. A recent article stated that women might be less happy in their marriages because a wife comes to the relationship with a whole lot of different expectations than her husbands does. And one of the biggest expectations is that her husband wants the same kind of relationship she does. The truth is, rarely do men do anything the way we do. They don't engage in friendships the way we do, they don't communicate like we do; in fact, they do very few things like we do.
For most women, relationships are of great value. I've learned that just because I value relationship does not mean that I will define how it works for everyone else who is involved."
I just pray that God will give me the strength to carry on and fulfill His purposes, as well as supporting my husband's goal and dreams. Dear Lord, I pray that you will help us be obedient and align our will with yours.
Amen and Amen.
